i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
