Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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