we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
