I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
