I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
