her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
