Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
