thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
