is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
