When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
