just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
