Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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