just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
