Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
