he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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