thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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