i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
