i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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