I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize