I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I skipped work to stalk him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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