Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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