he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
