thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
zippers are such a cool invention
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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