Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
