Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
