I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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