I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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