I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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