Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
