wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
