Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
