Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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