I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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