i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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