no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
