Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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