before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
