I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
