My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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