I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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