yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
