id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
