At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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