i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
