how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
