I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
