Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
