How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
