did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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