We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
