Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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