It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
