i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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