last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
