Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
