I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
