Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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