have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
