Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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