Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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