There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
