Where did you get a picture of my penis
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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