I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
