omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
