I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize