He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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